


Hopeless Delusions, Unless?

by the_shy_romantic



Category: Uchiha Sasuke/ Uzumaki Naruto - Fandom, narusasu - Fandom, sasunaru - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_shy_romantic/pseuds/the_shy_romantic
Summary: Sasuke is back, and yet Naruto still has that ache in his heart.  When you think of Naruto you think of happiness and hope, but is that truly him?
Relationships: NaruSasu, SasuNaru, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Hopeless Delusions, Unless?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfic so it'll probably be really bad. I'm sorry in advance if the POV is awkward or my way of writing in general. Writing has never been my strongest skill, but I love the ship too much that I've decided to write fanfics. 
> 
> This is in Naruto's POV. This fanfic might be a bit OC (off character), but I just wanted to do a perspective on Naruto as someone who is always happy on the outside, but he is actually full of inner turmoil. He is kinda depressed and has always hid behind a mask that no one has every paid attention to.
> 
> This will have a happy ending. I ship this too hard for them to have a sad ending. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you'll enjoy this first chapter and please feel to comment any criticism or any thoughts. Thank you for choosing to read this fanfic. :)
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own any of these characters in any way, shape or form. If I did, the ship would be canon aha ha. ;)

It's morning, the birds are chirping and yet I can’t get myself to muster up the energy to wake up. Yesterday I sparred with Sasuke till nightfall and I’m aching and sore all over, stupid teme, but it’s not that. It’s a beautiful, sunny day in Konoha but I’m tired. Tired of having to put on a mask yet another day and act like the happy go lucky joker that everyone knows me as. That was me a long time ago, but at some point it became a safety mask that I've never taken off since, at least not in public.

Ever since Sasuke left I started to change and slowly succumbed to depression. Of course, I never showed it, since I didn’t want pity nor to be ridiculed by those who still hated me so I always stayed chipper, but at one point that became a permanent mask. I’ve never gotten help since I didn’t want to acknowledge this side of me, but these days it’s been getting harder to keep my mask on. Sometimes I just want to take it off and be myself, a less hyper kind of person, but after years of hiding my true self I don’t think I actually know who that is. I’m afraid that whatever my true self is, that no one will accept me. 

Especially the teme. 

It took me years to finally convince him to come home after he killed Itachi, but things never went to how they were before he left. Still, there is this wall around him that I cannot get past and it’s frustrating how even after all these years and hardships we’ve been through together, I still cannot understand him fully. I’m still chasing after him. 

I am surrounded by people, and yet I have forgotten what it’s like to fully enjoy someone’s company. Even when I’m with everyone, I can’t help but feel this ache in my chest.

Everyday I tell everyone to push forward and go on about the Will of Fire, but what a hypocrite I am. Who am I to tell others what to do when inside I feel my flame dimming day by day. I don’t know what to do, what to feel. *sigh* Well, If I keep on moping I’ll be late to training with Team 7 and I gotta get ready to put on my mask for the day. 

* * *

I get to the training grounds and begin my daily ritual. “Hello Sakura-chan!~ Looking lovely as always!” 

I get punched by Sakura. “It’s too early in the morning for this Naruto, stop trying to flatter me since you already know my heart only belongs to Sasuke”. Same response and abuse as always, but the daily ritual must go on.

I glance at Sasuke “teme”. “Hn” he replies as dryly as always. 

I can never know what’s inside Sasuke’s mind. Every time I think we’ve grown closer, he pushes me away by ignoring me or shutting down completely. To be honest, when I was running after him i just assumed it was because I felt a strong friendship with him and similarities since we were both alone, but after getting questioned by everyone I had to stop and reflect on why I was so obsessed with getting Sasuke back. When everyone gave up or was ready to give up, I had the strongest desire to bring him back, despite my will of fire dimming, but why? What was it about Sasuke that drove me to be obsessed with bringing him back? It wasn’t like we were really close friends who got along perfectly before he left. 

So why?

If it was Sakura who left or another friend, would I have been as driven to get them home? 

The answer was no.

Yes, I would have wanted to bring anyone else home since they are all my friends, but I don’t think with the same motivation as with Sasuke.

So, why?

What was it I felt with Sasuke that was different from everyone else?

  
  
  


And that’s when it hit me.

  
  


It wasn’t brotherly love nor strictly a strong friendship. I,

  
  


I loved Sasuke. 

Being who I am I denied it as soon as I had the thought, even though deep down I knew it felt right, it made sense. I asked around what it felt like to love another person, whether it be a sibling, friend or a lover. After hearing various replies on the different meaning of love, I realized I loved Sasuke romantically. 

I’ve always wanted to be together and share everything with him. I want to be the one he goes to when he is troubled or in pain. I want to be able to laugh with him, cry with him, and be able to be vulnerable around him and be loved back without any barriers. I want to be with Sasuke forever. 

I want to wake up and see him first thing by my side.

And so it hurts me so much more every time he denies me entry into his heart. I reach and call out to him desperately. I yearn for him even though I know my feelings will never be reciprocated. He is not mine, nor will he ever be. I know this and yet I continue to waste the little energy I have left, in a relationship so fruitless.

Oh god how it hurts. How it hurts to be so close to someone that you can visualize your whole life with, and yet, know it will never happen. 

Despite him betraying Konoha, he is loved by everyone. Who wouldn’t? He is a perfect ninja, one of the strongest, noble bloodline, the rest of the Uchiha territory, access to the money left by the Uchiha’s, and superior genes. Even more so why we could never be together. A deadlast with someone like him? Such a thing is impossible even in fairytales. I must be so bold to even fantasize about having a future with someone like Sasuke. 

I’ve never thought of confessing. Why should I? When it’s obvious rejection is the only thing I could expect.

I’m truly pathetic. A depressed, lovesick puppy that relies on a mask to get through his day and pines for someone who barely acknowledges him as a team mate.

“Deadlast”. 

That’s what I am. That’s what I always will be.

Sasuke’s always been right. 

And so the days go by, and I fall deeper into the abyss that is my mind, progressively becoming a more hollow shell and less a person, without anyone knowing. No one to notice, to care enough about me to have noticed or acknowledge any signs of my rapid mental decline. 

At this point, it’s not worth it. Why do I bother living as I am? If I left, no one would truly notice. Even if they did, I doubt they’d care. Would Sasuke care? Would he cry for me?

No. He probably wouldn’t. 

Well, that’s that then. I guess I shouldn’t bother anymore. Hopefully I’ll have a good dream today and not the usual nightmare. Maybe tomorrow I’ll stop this.


End file.
